Over the weekend in San Jose, a group of activists and couselors held a public meeting to encourage family support for gays and lesbians to talk about what it's like to be gay and Vietnamese. According to the San Jose Mercury News the discussion exposed up a lot of long-held tensions and animosities in the Vietnamese community against gays and lesbians.

"Please treat us like you would a friend or a son, just like all your other friends and sons," said 22-year-old James Chuong, who told an audience at the San Jose Public Library on Tully Road that he has not been able to speak with his parents and other relatives since they learned he was gay more than two years ago.

"They think we are bad people, and will go to hell," Chuong said in Vietnamese, his words translated by an English-language interpreter. Standing in front of about 60 people, mostly Vietnamese-Americans, Chuong added that he considered suicide when his parents first kicked him out of their home.

"I'm a good student, a good citizen," he said. "I have a hard time trying to figure out what I did to have to bear this stigma."

Telling family or friends that you're gay can be difficult for anyone, several speakers agreed, but it can be especially stressful in the Vietnamese community, where parents and elders were raised in a traditional culture for which homosexuality was a secret shame.

Younger Vietnamese-Americans are often more comfortable with the subject. But among older immigrants, "it's just never acknowledged," said Thanh Do, a leader in a group called the Gay Vietnamese Alliance, who helped organize the event with Vuong Nguyen of Song That Radio, a gay-oriented program broadcast weekly on KSJX-AM.

The Mercury News says it was a surprisingly large turnout, considering that organizers were expecting maybe ten people to show up.

There is anecdotal evidence that Asian-Americans are one of the least gay-friendly groups in the nation. But that may be simplifying matters too much. There isn't a lot of good polling about their attitudes toward gays and lesbians, with the exception of surveys of views on same-sex marriage. According the the California Field Poll, Koreans are least accepting of gay marriage. From the San Francisco Weekly: 

One interesting thing about the latest poll, however, is how it brings a new level of detail to one of the stickier wickets confronted by proponents of same-sex marriage: distaste for gay rights among ethnic minorities. It's been known for some time that Asian Americans are the ethnic group most opposed to gay marriage in California, but the new poll marks the first time that subsets of Asians have been singled out and asked what they think about it. The results: Koreans as a group are the most anti-gay marriage. And it isn't even close.

The new Field Poll reveals that Korean Americans disapprove of same-sex marriage by a margin of 70 to 25 percent. They were followed in their dislike of same-sex couples by Vietnamese Americans (64 percent disapproval) and Chinese Americans (54 percent disapprove.) African Americans disapprove of gay marriage by a margin of 49 to 38 percent, the poll finds, while Latinos support same-sex marriage by a margin of 50 to 41. About 53 percent of whites support same-sex marriage, with 39 percent opposed.

But a writer for the LGBT paper the Washington Blade cautions against lumping all Asian-Americans into the same category. He offers some theories about how to examine the attitudes of the many countries that make up the Asian-American communities:

Cuc Vu, a Vietnamese-American who works closely with immigrant communities, disagrees with the contention that all Asian Americans oppose same-sex marriage. She is not surprised, however, by the Field Poll findings about Korean and Vietnamese Americans.

“Koreans are the most conservative among Asians on marriage equality because of the Baptist tradition that large segments of Koreans follow. For Vietnamese, the Catholic Church is very influential.” She points out, however, that “that younger Koreans and Vietnamese have different views than their more traditional and religious immigrant parents or grandparents.”

Although one cannot say that all Asian Americans hate gay marriage, the reality is many do because of their faith traditions, age and political and social ideologies. They form a sizable bloc of voters we need to convince of our fundamental right to fair and equal treatment under the law. So how can we change the minds and hearts of more conservative Asian Americans?

I think the onus is on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Asian American people and organizations who need to reach out to their communities. Vu points out that “one of the reasons why I think you saw a majority of Asian voters in California voting against Prop 8 is because of Asian Pacific Islander LGBT leaders in California making themselves visible in key spaces — like marching in the annual Chinese New Year Parade. That would be the equivalent of black LGBTs having a strong presence at the annual Black Family Reunion.”

Still, there is more reaching out by LGBT Asian-Americans to their friends, family and community. And it's the younger Asians who are making the strongest effort. As with other groups, look for the attitudes to shift among Asian-Americans over time.